


It Goes Without Saying

by coupdepam



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-10-15
Updated: 2003-10-15
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:17:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coupdepam/pseuds/coupdepam
Summary: Things are left unsaid- and they fester.





	1. It Goes Without Saying

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**It Goes Without Saying**

**by:** coupdepam

**Character(s):** Sam, Josh, Toby  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Category(s):** Angst/drama/ESF  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the setting or the characters but the plot is mine (evil ESF laugh) all mine!  
**Summary:** Things are left unsaid- and they fester.  
**Spoiler:** Up to season four  


Sam’s exit from Toby’s office was followed swiftly by a rubber ball that bounced against the window.

“I emailed it to you this morning,” Sam called to his disgruntled boss. He started to scroll down the list of ‘sent’ emails, “If you got Ginger to check your inbox you wouldn’t keep missing things.”

Sam was going to enjoy this. Toby had called him into his office demanding to know why he hadn’t sent him a copy of the position paper he was drafting. Sam knew for a fact that he had emailed it to him last night so that Toby could read it before he came in. He took his time browsing the list of emails, knowing that he was about to experience immense pleasure from proving that Toby had deleted it in error, probably grumbling about spam emails while doing so.

“I mean, you’re a pretty important person. You should be more careful- it’s not like you’d throw a letter away just because you didn’t recognize the postmark that would just be-” Sam suddenly stopped talking. He clicked on the address that had caught his eye and pressed ‘read’. He paled slightly as the first page of the position paper appeared on the screen. He took a very deep, steadying breath before returning to Toby’s office.

Toby looked up as Sam entered and waited for his apology. He knew it was coming and had decided that he would just let Sam say it and then keep his comments in reserve for when he was really annoying him. Sam didn’t say anything though. He stood in front of Toby’s desk and walked back to the door and closed it. He returned to his spot and started to tidy the pencils in a pot on Toby’s desk.

“Sam!” Toby addressed him in a way that made it clear that whatever Sam wanted to say he should say it very quickly.

“I’ve sent...it appears I might have-” Toby sighed but it was nothing in comparison to the shaky breath that Sam exhaled before he finally admitted, “I emailed your copy of my position paper to my dentist.”

During Sam’s stilted speech, Toby had been squeezing one of his rubber missiles. Sam’s disclosure was followed by a thud as the ball dropped from his grasp. 

“I’m sorry, for a moment there I thought you said you’d emailed the position paper to your dentist,” Toby stared at him a ray of hope flickering in his eyes that Sam had been fooling around.

“Well yes...that’s...that’s the situation in a nutshell,” Sam agreed.

“In a nutshell?” Toby’s voice was dangerously low, “In a nutshell?” he repeated but this time he shouted and the force of it made Sam jump, “You sent a highly litigious position paper, that hasn’t even been read by the President yet, to your dentist ‘in a nutshell’!”

“Well actually I sent it by email but-” Sam changed tack when he saw Toby’s expression, “Look, I sent it last night at nine, I’m sure nobody was there. It’s seven AM so I doubt it’s even been read yet. I’ll tell you what, I’ll phone them and as soon as someone answers I’ll-” Sam stopped talking. Toby was staring at him with a look of utter disbelief.

“Sit down Sam,” Sam walked obediently over to the sofa and listened as Toby picked up the phone and arranged for an agent to come to his office. They sat in silence as they waited. Occasionally Toby muttered ‘in a nutshell’ but that was the only sound that either man made.

When the agent appeared he listened to Toby’s explanation of the problem and Sam’s explanation of how easy it is to mistake tbzeeg@ with tbzglr@ and then he asked Sam to write down the address of his dentist. He waited for a colleague to join him who asked Sam detailed questions about the document’s name and program and then the two left Toby’s office. Sam ignored the sound of the agents’ laughter as they walked through the Bullpen. Toby didn’t speak and in the end Sam broke the uncomfortable silence, “Did you want to say something or should I just sit here?”

“I was going to say something but then I changed my mind. There’s no point shouting at you.”

“That’s very tolerant of you Toby and I appreciate the fact that-”

“Yet,” Toby interrupted, “There’s no point shouting at you yet, when depending on what the agents find I can take you to Leo’s office and shout at you there.”

“Well that’s a little less tolerant,” Sam stood and returned to his office. Toby glared at him as he passed his desk. Only when Sam was inside his own office did Toby allow himself a smile.

It was another hour before one of the agents finally phoned and Toby came into Sam’s office and told him that he was ‘one lucky speech writer’. The email had not been opened and as Sam had predicted the office wasn’t even open when they arrived, the receptionist had turned up for work to find two secret service agents waiting outside. 

Sam endured a week of Toby’s wise-cracks. It seemed he couldn’t hand him a file without Toby asking him if he had sent a copy to his dentist. It was when he finished dictating a letter to Ginger and she asked him if she wanted her to copy it to his hairdresser that Sam finally snapped. He stood up abruptly and stormed into Toby’s office, “Okay, I made a mistake. I can stand here and say that with no qualms. It could have been disastrous but it wasn’t. We’ve had some laughs over it, some nights I can barely get to sleep thinking about your quips but now I’d just like to move on, chalk it up to experience and basically pretend it never happened.”

“Did Ginger make a funny?” Toby asked innocently.

“Yes Ginger made a funny!” an exasperated Sam answered.

Toby put down his pen, placed his hands behind his head and leant back in his chair, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Sam queried.

“Okay, I won’t mention it again,” Toby clarified, “Next time you do something like this I’ll just shout at you and get it out of my system.”

“Would you- because I’d really prefer that,” Sam returned to his office deciding to ignore the fact that Toby believed that there would be a ‘next time’.

* * *

Sam stood up, entered the Bullpen and tried to walk off the pins and needles in his legs. He had finally finished the position paper that he had been working on and he had finished it well ahead of schedule. He walked over to the coffee machine but replaced the pot and empty cup deciding he deserved something a little more substantial than coffee. As he started down the stairs towards the Mess Sam caught sight of Josh, and called out to him. When he reached the bottom of the stairs Josh had already walked on ahead and was standing in the queue.

“Are you on a mercy doughnut mission or something?” Sam asked as he joined Josh at the counter.

“Sorry?” Josh answered but he seemed more focused on the selection of pastries.

“I saw you on the stairs but you hurried on ahead,” Sam explained.

“Oh right...no, I’m just distracted. I’ve only come down here to get Donna a pastry because she’s refusing to carry on with-” Josh stopped talking as he picked up a plate that had been passed to him.

“Refusing to carry on with what?”

“Nothing really, just the same old fun and games, you know how it is.”

“Do I ever,” Sam agreed thinking of Ginger’s fun at his expense earlier in the week. Sam chose a cake for himself and tried to remember the last time Josh had come to his office to talk about Donna’s latest antics.

“Do you want to go out to grab something to eat?” Sam suggested, “I finished that Education position paper so I’ve got some free time.”

“You’ve finished?” Josh ignored Sam’s lunch idea, “You know they’re meeting today to decide where the funding is going first?”

“Yeah Leo said,” Sam realized Josh wasn’t going to take him up on his offer so he reached past him and grabbed a sandwich.

Josh waited for Sam to pick up his sandwich and pastry before he started to walk towards the door, “This is all about timing. The Funding States by Need First caucus are going to publish their findings on Monday, the position paper will be released on Tuesday and the President is giving his speech to the District Councils on Wednesday,” Josh held the door for Sam and started up the stairs, “I don’t think anyone’s going to be talking about school vouchers on Thursday.”

“I doubt it,” Sam agreed. When the President had first asked Sam to look into the notion of allocating extra funding to teachers who specialized in math and science, he had been skeptical. After a few days he had begun to realize that if increasing teachers’ wages was out of the question then perhaps this was the next best thing. He had spoken to teaching unions and hadn’t been surprised to find that they were opposed to it but then a chance conversation with Ginger had made Sam determined that he should tell the President that the initiative was a good idea.

_Sam had been reading a passage of the paper to Ginger. He was hoping that Ginger was going to tell him if she thought he had used the words subject specialist too many times but instead she had said, “You know, I was going to be a teacher.”_

_“I didn’t know that,” Sam took off his glasses and looked up at Ginger, “Why didn’t you?”_

_“I spent a weekend looking after my nieces,” Ginger replied as if no further explanation was necessary._

_“So would you have chosen math or science?”_

_“Hell no! You’d have to pay me to study science at degree level,” Ginger said the word science as if it was a contagious disease._

_“You see, that’s kind of what we’re proposing to do,” Sam pointed out._

_“Oh, well then in that case I think science would have been my thing,” Ginger stood up and walked towards the door, she turned back to Sam before she left, “You said subject specialist four times in that paragraph.”_

_Sam had nodded absently. Ginger’s reply had made perfect sense to him and three hours later he was still sat at his desk rewriting his first draft of the position paper._

Josh had reached the top of the stairs and started to open the double doors before he noticed Sam was no longer with him, “Sam?”

“You said the caucus was going to publish its findings on Monday?” Sam didn’t move from his spot and so Josh was forced to walk back towards him.

“Yeah Monday, it’s the only way we’re going to take the attention away from the rebublicans, yet again, trying to force the issue with school vouchers.”

“But we weren’t...I’m sorry, I thought we agreed that funding for specific subjects would come first and then we would follow up with general funding but for the states which needed it most?”

“Yeah I...” Josh shrugged, he didn’t understand what Sam was trying to say and he had already spent more time away from his office than he had intended.

“Why would we release the findings of the caucus when we don’t intend acting on them until after we have introduced the first round of funding?”

Josh waited for Sam to catch on; it didn’t take him long, “We’re not going to act on their findings are we. We’re just going to use it to take attention away from school vouchers and then abandon it.”

“Why do you always do this,” Josh ran a hand through his hair before continuing, “Why does it always seem to shock you when we do something that doesn’t live up to your, quite frankly, naive ideals?”

“Where the hell did that come from? What makes you think that I...why would you say that I...where the hell do you get off second guessing what my reaction will be?” Sam’s voice had risen steadily and people were beginning to look, some had even ventured out of the Mess to gain a better view.

“Do you want to go and tell the members of the caucus that they are being ‘quite frankly naïve’?” Sam shouted.

Aware of the crowds they were drawing, Josh tried to calm Sam down, “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just been a difficult morning and I’m way behind on-”

“Save it Josh. I don’t care. And don’t patronize me. Don’t say something like that and then try to blame it on work,” Sam swung away from Josh as if he was going to return to the Mess but then he turned back towards him, “And if you want to know about difficult mornings you should come to my office and listen to Ben Draper the chair of the naïve funding caucus, telling me what I should be recommending to the President. Why don’t you give us ten minutes and then you can come and explain to him why he’s being naïve!”

“No Sam, if I want to explain about being naïve, why don’t I tell him about a certain lunch date with Kevin Kahn!”

And there it was; the subject that the two men had never discussed, out in the open at last. Neither man spoke. They stared at each other and for a moment Josh thought Sam was going to reply but he didn’t. Josh was nudged slightly by Sam as he pushed past him and through the doors. Josh remained where he stood. He closed his eyes and sighed loudly. He was still standing in the same spot when Sam reached his office and slammed the door with such force that it made Toby jump and spill his coffee over his desk.

* * *

Toby stood by the door to Leo’s office staring intently at the two men sitting inside. CJ smiled at Margaret and then went and stood beside him for a while before finally whispering, “What are we doing?”

“We’re idiot watching,” Toby replied cryptically.

“Should I sketch their distinguishing marks?” she asked but Toby ignored her and continued to watch Josh and Sam.

“Five minutes...they’ve been sitting there for five minutes in total silence,” Toby mused.

“Are they being sponsored?” 

Toby sighed and scratched his forehead, “No! They’re ignoring each other is what they’re doing. And they’ve been doing it for five minutes.”

“Well let’s put them out of their misery,” she walked past Toby and into Leo’s office.

Leo entered from the Oval office and on seeing him Toby walked into the room and stood behind Sam’s chair.

“Tell me that you’ve spoken to all of them Josh, and they’re all going to vote yes,” Leo said as he walked towards his desk.

“I’ve spoken to all of them and they’re all going to vote yes,” Josh replied, “Did you just want me to say that or did you want me to tell you the truth?”

“You’ve spoken to...”

“Three of them and two are going to say yes,” Josh clarified.

“And the other two...?”

“Will say yes after Thursday.”

“Why Thursday?” CJ asked.

“Well I have to at least pretend that I’m going to give them a chance to say no,” Josh reasoned. CJ laughed and Leo shook his head. Toby noticed that Sam just continued to stare at the papers on his lap, his expression far from amused.

“Has the President seen your position paper Sam?” Leo asked forcing him to look up.

“Yesterday,” Sam answered.

“And...” Leo prompted impatiently.

“He’s happy with it. I met with Ben Draper and the caucus is about ready to conclude their findings.”

“Ben Draper,” CJ repeated the name, “Why do I know that name,” she tapped her pencil on her pad as Leo and Josh began going over the timing of the releases that would enable them to best railroad the Republicans school voucher campaign. As they finished speaking CJ clicked her fingers three times and pointed at Sam, “I met Ben Draper last month. Ben Draper went to law school with you and he told me...God how did I forget to mention this...he told me that you once spent a whole evening-”

“You didn’t say that you were friends with Draper,” Josh interrupted.

Sam ignored Josh and aimed his reply at Leo, “Is that a problem?”

Leo held his hands in the air, “I don’t know, what did you spend an evening doing?”

“No I meant-” Sam paused and swiped his hand over his forehead, “I meant is it a problem that Ben is a friend of mine?”

Leo looked at Toby and the two men exchanged puzzled glances, “I don’t know Sam but I’ll talk to your mom and see if you can play out tonight. Right has anybody got anything to say that I will actually understand?” Nobody spoke, “Okay then, that’s it.”

Sam stood quickly and walked towards the door. CJ caught up with him outside, “So do you see Ben often? He had a lot of interesting anecdotes about you. God I can’t believe I forgot to tease you about that evening he told me about.”

“I saw him last weekend actually.”

Josh who had been sauntering behind, lifted his head, his attention caught by Sam’s words.

“We met up with a group of...well you heard the ‘all evening’ story...that group.”

“Well then I’m just glad I’m not hearing about the reunion from the press.”

Josh drew up to CJ, “Where did you go Sam, this weekend?”

“We went to a secret cavern Josh and I revealed to Ben your evil plan to scupper all of his hard work,” they had reached the Bullpen and Sam wheeled away from the group and into his office. 

CJ started to speak but Josh held up his hand, “Wait, there’s gonna be a door-slam,” right on cue Sam slammed his door shut, “You weren’t about to ask me what’s going on with me and Sam were you? Because you know how I hate to have to keep things from you.”

Josh raised his eyebrows and turned away from CJ. She stopped him with a hand on his arm, “I was asking as a friend Josh.”

“I know, and I was answering as a friend who is trying to avoid answering,” the two parted company and Josh went into his office where he tried not to think about Sam, education reform or Ben Draper.


	2. It Goes Without Saying 2

**It Goes Without Saying**

**by:** coupdepam

**Character(s):** Sam, Josh, Toby  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Category(s):** Angst/drama/ESF  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the setting or the characters but the plot is mine (evil ESF laugh) all mine!  
**Summary:** Things are left unsaid- and they fester.  
**Spoiler:** Up to season four  


* * *

Sam was grimacing and rubbing furiously at his temple when CJ entered his office.

“CJ, you’re dancing. Is anything wrong?” Sam asked.

“I’ve got that Capital Beat Sam,” Sam watched as she punctuated her words by swinging her hips, “Do you know what they’re discussing on Capital Beat right now?”

“No,”

“The recommendations of the Funding by Need Caucus,” CJ answered with another swing of the hips, “Do you know what they’re not discussing?”

“No,”

“School vouchers,” CJ replied.

Toby appeared in the doorway, “What’s going on?”

“CJ’s got that Capital Beat,” Sam explained.

“Ah,” Toby gestured towards his office, “You got a minute?”

“Sure,” Sam stood up but turned back to CJ as he got to the door, “You know my coat stand could double up as a pole if you’re still in the mood for dancing when I get back.”

Toby’s discreet cough told Sam that whatever it was he wanted to say he wanted to say it now. Sam raised his eyebrows at a smiling CJ and followed Toby out of his office.

Sam sat on Toby’s sofa and watched as Toby walked over to his desk and perched on the edge of it.

“So day one of the smother school vouchers is going well?” Toby began.

“Yeah, CJ says the story is Funding for Need and the idea of a computer suite in every school has grabbed all the attention,” Sam shifted in his seat; he knew where this conversation was heading.

“When the President gives his speech on Wednesday Ben Draper is going to be pissed,” Toby stated.

“Well yeah, because he’s just spent three months working on something that we have no intention of doing anything with.”

“I agree that this is less than ideal but you’ve got to remember the bi-”

“God Toby don’t- please don’t say the bigger picture.”

Toby couldn’t think of another word that started with bi so he kept quiet.

“I have said nothing to Ben, which wasn’t difficult because nothing was said to me, yet again. Do you think that I am going to go running to my friends every time we do something that might offend them?”

“You are reading far more in-”

“Do you think that?” Sam raised his voice and in an effort to placate him Toby moved so that he was sitting beside him.

“I don’t think that Sam. No one does. Bruno develops a nervous twitch whenever Kevin Kahn is mentioned but even he doe-”

“Josh thinks I would,” Sam interrupted and Toby didn’t reply, “Was there anything else?”

Even if there had been Toby would have said no, there was no point trying to talk to Sam when he was mad and Toby couldn’t remember the last time he had seen him this worked up.

“No Sam, that was all.”

Sam left Toby’s office and for the third time in as many weeks slammed the door to his shut.

* * *

The door remained closed for most of the following day. Sam knew his friend was about to find out that his hard work had been a ruse and he was going to find out the same way as everyone else, in the press. Every time the phone rang Sam jumped. In the end he told Bonnie to hold all of his calls.  He was largely left alone as word had got around that he was not in the best of tempers. The knock on the door startled him from his work and he finished the sentence he was on before calling to the visitor to come in. Sam was surprised when the door was opened by Josh. He was the last person Sam had expected to see.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, well that’s normally what ‘come in’ means.”

Josh didn’t sit down but stayed close to the door, “I just wanted to say that-” he gestured to the chair in front of Sam’s desk and on Sam’s nod walked over and sat down.

“Wanted to say what?” Sam asked a part of him hoping that Josh would offer just the slightest hint of an apology or even regret at what had been said. Sam had already decided that would be all it would take for him to happily try to salvage their friendship and start to work out what had been going wrong over the past few months between them.

“I wanted to say that we haven’t spoken much over the past few days and I just wanted to check-in with you about Draper...make sure you were okay with that and you know, that you weren’t harboring any resentful thoughts towards me,” Josh shot a smile Sam’s way and Sam returned it. It was as close a move towards reconciliation as Sam was going to get but it was enough to build on.

“Listen, I’ve got to hang around, there’ll be questions after the speech but after that...shall we go get a beer or something?” Sam suggested.

“Yeah, okay that sounds good,” Josh sat up as if to leave but then sat back again, “So are you expecting to hear from Ben tonight?”

“I hope not. The last time we spoke he was enthusing about the proposals and I was helping him to pick the most likely states to benefit. So I doubt he’ll be up for joining us for a beer,” Sam mused.

“When was that?”

“When was what?”

“When did you last see Ben? I know you spent a weekend sailing but that was when you still thought the funding was getting the go ahead,” Josh explained.

“I’m sorry, I don’t really see...why does it matter when I last saw him?” This time it was Sam who sat forward in his seat.

“It’s not...I don’t mean anything by it, I was just curious when you la-”

“Bullshit Josh! You came in here and I actually thought that you were here to try to...” Sam trailed off, took a deep breath and began again, “If you want to know what I’ve said to Ben then don’t embarrass yourself or me by pretending there is some sort of friendship that allows you to do that. In fact why don’t we schedule a meeting if you’re that concerned,” Sam flipped his diary open, “I’m free tomorrow afternoon, let’s meet then. Donna can take notes if you like because when I finally admit that I’ve jeopardized this administration’s education jamboree by disclosing your sinister plan to Ben I’m sure you’ll want it recorded for posterity.”

There was silence, in which Sam slumped back in his seat and Josh leant forward in his. Josh was trying to think of something to say to Sam but he couldn’t. Of all the words Sam had shouted only a few remained with Josh now, ‘some sort of friendship’. Josh was pretending that he and Sam had ‘some sort of friendship’. With sudden, absolute clarity Josh realized Sam was right. He was pretending that they were the same two friends who had almost run through the corridors of Gage Whitney and out into the pouring rain. He tried again to think of something to say but Sam beat him to it.

“Get out Josh,” Sam’s eyes were closed and he sounded and looked as if the words had cost him his last reserves of energy.

Josh stood up and walked quickly back to his office, only stopping on the way to grab Donna by the elbow, taking her with him. He shut the door behind him and stood straight against it, making sure his back and legs touched its surface.

“What’s happened?” Donna asked.

“Nothing,” Josh answered as he rested his head against the door as well.

“You’re doing the wall thing, what’s happened?”

Josh lowered his head and looked at Donna, “You’re Donna and I’m Josh now okay?”

“Okay, I wasn’t aware that we had metamorphosed into other beings but, okay I’m Donna and you’re Josh, who’s beginning to freak me out just a little-”

“I mean this is just us, no Deputy Chief of Staff/assistant stuff,” Josh elaborated.

“I’m going to put my pad down,”

“Good that helps...right...I need to ask you-,” Josh paused and closed his eyes, “I need you to tell me if-,” again he stopped and Donna waited, “Do you think Sam and me are...” he faltered again.

“I’m wishing I was taking notes now,” Donna quipped, “What are you ‘Josh’ trying to ask me ‘Donna’?”

Josh smiled and wiped a hand over his face, “Do you think that Sam and I have less of a friendship than we did when you first met us?”

Donna didn’t know what had happened to prompt the question but she knew that whatever had happened had upset Josh. She sat on the edge of the desk and thought carefully before answering, “Do you mean have I stopped checking with Sam first when I can’t find you? Do you mean if we arrange to go for a drink am I surprised if Sam is there as well? Do you mean am I embarrassed when Sam asks if you’ve got a minute and I say no because somewhere along the line ‘no interruptions’ came to include him as well? Do you mean have I noticed that you send me to the communications Bullpen when you used to be glad of an excuse to go yourself? Do you mean-”

“Yeah, okay, okay, I think I’ve got the gist of what you’re saying.”

Donna stood up and walked towards Josh, “I don’t think you’re going to like my answer as your assistant very much either. Because if you mean do I think your relationship with Sam is having a detrimental affect on your working relationship, the answer is yes. The answer is yes Josh, you’ve got less of a friendship with Sam now than you did when I first met you.” 

Josh just nodded slowly in reply. He was standing in front of the door so Donna remained where she was until at last Josh slowly walked towards his desk and sat down, “I think I have a meeting with Eric Chambers at two. I’ll need those statistics on the truant rates again.”

Donna knew Josh would react like this and so after getting him the file he wanted she left him to it and went to find CJ.

* * *

Donna walked back to her desk, a satisfied smile on her face. It had been two days since Josh and Sam had rowed, two days since she had told Josh what he didn’t want to hear and two days since Sam and Josh had last said more than a word to each other.

A meeting in the Oval office had been the catalyst for Donna’s plan to get Sam and Josh talking again. A plan that CJ and Toby heartily agreed to but then again they had been in the Oval office too. The President had been enthusing about the education proposals and, as often happened, had inspired himself to believe that they were on a roll and so anything was possible. Toby had tried to quash his ideas about finding out if the funding initiatives could be adapted to address other areas of concern in teacher recruitment, “I think if we are going to have funding for attracting science and math teachers we should wait and see how much of the funding is used up by that first. Or is there a magical box of education funding that nobody’s told me about.”

The President ignored Toby, “Sam, you’ve been speaking to the education unions and committees, what do you think is the next step for recruitment?”

Sam had been sitting staring at the floor and it was only when he heard his name that he had begun to listen to what was being said, “Rural schools,” he replied, his knowledge of education sound enough to have an answer without really knowing what had prompted the President’s question.

Bartlet’s response was to clap his hands and jump out of his seat, “Okay Sam Josh, get together and jot down a few ideas for me.” Seeing the expression on Josh’s face and misinterpreting its meaning he continued, “I’m just saying, give me an idea of ‘for and against’ funding for getting teachers into rural schools, I’m not asking you to go work on a farm for a week.”

Josh nodded and smiled uncomfortably so Sam spoke up, “The thing is, Sir, we’re both a little pushed at the moment and we haven’t really got a true picture of how this week’s initiatives have been received yet. I just wonder if we should wait on that before we go charging ahead with any new ones.”

Bartlet wasn’t aware of what had been going on between Sam and Josh but Leo was and both Sam and Josh were avoiding his fuming expression, “Sam- are you being a kill-joy?” the President asked.

“No sir I just-”

“Good, because I’ve got enough trouble with the secret service trying to stop me every time I want to go on an excursion, without my staff joining in.”

“I’d really rather-” Sam began again.

“I think you’d ‘really rather’ nothing Sam,” Leo interrupted.

The President ended the meeting and at the end of the customary round of thank yous, Leo called Sam’s name and gestured towards his office. Toby looked at Josh again who simply shrugged. They waited by Charlie’s desk in an uncomfortable silence. Josh was waiting to see Leo but Toby was simply waiting for Sam.

“Don’t you ever do that again!” Toby grimaced at the sound of Leo’s rage. He could only imagine the affect it was having on Sam at close quarters.

“Don’t you ever take your personal differences with Josh into that room. The President asks you to do something and you think you can fob him off because you don’t want to sit down with Josh. You know what Sam- grow up!”

Toby folded his arms and walked away from Charlie’s desk as Josh muttered, ‘Jesus Leo,” under his breath. No more words could be heard and Josh and Toby assumed Leo was trying to calm down before he spoke again. They were both surprised when the next thing they heard was Leo shouting at Sam to get out.

There was another moment of silence before Sam exited Leo’s office. Toby expected his deputy to emerge red faced but as Sam brushed past him he was shocked to see his face was drained of all color.

Josh watched as Toby followed Sam and then went into Leo’s office, “I don’t think he meant...he wasn’t thinking about himself...I think he was trying to say that we might not be a very productive team at the moment Leo, he was thinking of-” 

“Are you seriously coming in here to tell me how to talk to my staff?” Leo asked.

“No but I-” 

“Have you spoken to Davies and Herne yet?” and with that Leo made it very clear that the subject was closed.

Josh didn’t try to broach the subject again even though he was unsure if he was meant to be meeting with Sam or not. When Donna told him the time that she and Ginger had fixed for them to meet he didn’t question it and when Sam walked into his office later that afternoon followed by Ed, he didn’t question that either.

When the meeting was over Sam walked quickly back to the Bullpen. He ignored Toby as he walked past his door but then changed his mind, turned around and walked into Toby’s office, “Ed can fill you in on what we came up with. He took notes, as he clearly didn’t have much to contribute to what we were discussing, but then he wasn’t there to contribute, he was there to keep an eye on me, wasn’t he,”

“I told him to go because the President wants this done and I think you were right to have reservations about you and Josh being able to do that at the moment.”

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” Sam replied and walked away entering his own office and closing the door firmly behind him.

And so, when CJ appeared at Toby’s door and told him about Donna’s plan to get Sam and Josh talking again he had no hesitation in agreeing with it whole heartedly.


	3. It Goes Without Saying 3

**It Goes Without Saying**

**by:** coupdepam

**Character(s):** Sam, Josh, Toby  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Category(s):** Angst/drama/ESF  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the setting or the characters but the plot is mine (evil ESF laugh) all mine!  
**Summary:** Things are left unsaid- and they fester.  
**Spoiler:** Up to season four  


* * *

“Toby I appreciate the offer but I really just want to go home tonight,” Sam said as he started to tidy his desk. He was beginning to feel slightly unnerved by his boss who had now asked him three times if wanted to go for a drink after work. He glanced up to find Toby still standing in the doorway, “Is it your birthday?” Sam asked suddenly panicking.

“No it’s not my birthday.”

“Well then, thanks but no thanks.”

“But it’s a special day,” Toby explained.

“A special day?” 

“For me it’s a special day...a day of remembrance of...things past,” Toby silently cursed Donna and her scheme to get Sam and Josh together away from the White House.

“Well it could hardly be a day of remembrance of things still to come,” Sam pointed out, “Is it a Jewish thing?”

Toby became more confident, “Yes it’s a Jewish thing Sam, and I would be honored if you would spend the evening with me...remembering...things.”

Sam studied Toby for a moment and Toby tried not to wince at his pathetic excuse for getting Sam to come for a drink. Eventually Sam shrugged, picked up his coat and followed Toby out of the office.

* * *

Josh ran his finger through the small puddle of liquid on the table. CJ and Donna sat opposite him glancing occasionally at the door. Donna had not had any problem persuading Josh to join her and CJ for a drink. CJ said she was buying and Donna would drive him there and home and so it sounded like an ideal way to end a stressful week to Josh. He looked up to see Toby walking towards them, “You didn’t say Toby was coming,” Josh said but then his eyes widened and he sat up straight, “And you certainly didn’t say Sam was coming.”

“Didn’t I?” CJ answered innocently, “Well wasn’t that remiss of me.”

Josh’s glare at CJ was matched by the look Sam was giving Toby now that they had reached the table. There was an awkward silence and then Donna spoke, “Hey Sam what a coincidence.”

Sam muttered something about a ‘Jewish thing’ at Toby and turned to walk away from the table.

“Oh Spanky,” CJ called out and Sam turned back reluctantly towards her, “You might want to know that I’ve been getting a few questions recently from Danny about a breakdown in communications between members of the senior staff.”

Sam just shrugged and looked impatiently at CJ not understanding what that had to do with him wanting to leave the bar as soon as humanly possible.

“I’m not saying you should stay for the sake of appearances but it would add fuel to the rumors if you were to walk out now. Especially as half the press core are sitting over there celebrating Danny’s birthday.”

“What a coincidence,” Donna repeated her earlier comment.

“Isn’t it,” CJ answered and waved at Danny as he walked past.

Sam sighed and shook his head. A part of him was impressed with the planning that must have gone into this and as much as he wanted to leave he had to agree that it wouldn’t be the smartest move with Danny sitting a few feet away staring intently at them. He positioned himself at the edge of the table, studiously ignoring Josh who was so busy glaring at Donna that he didn’t notice.

By the time they were on their second round of drinks the atmosphere had improved slightly. Josh and Sam had started to join in with the conversation and on a couple of occasions even spoken to each other. First Donna and then CJ made their apologies and left. Josh complained that Donna had promised to drive him home and Toby had explained that he was going to do it, “It’s all part of the-”

“The plan,” Josh interrupted, “Yes Toby we know. You guys are freaks of the highest order of freakdom,” and despite himself Sam laughed at Josh’s nonsense words but earnest expression.

Having found a common enemy in Toby, Donna and CJ, Josh and Sam found a subject on which they totally agreed. Toby sat back and tried to think of another subject on which there would be no likely disputes but his thoughts were interrupted by Sam’s sudden laughter. He didn’t know what had prompted it but he was glad to hear it even if it resulted in another awkward moment of silence and Sam and Josh both staring at their beers. Sam suddenly stood and after asking Josh and Toby what they wanted made his way to the bar. 

“This is like a first date or something,” Josh murmured and Toby raised his eyebrows, “It’s awkward. When did Sam and me become...awkward?”

“Around the same time you stopped speaking to him because you didn’t like what happened with Kahn and you didn’t like how he dealt with the MS and I suspect you didn’t like that you didn’t want to discuss it with him because you were afraid to admit how you felt.”

It was rare for Toby to enter into discussions about relationships but when he did he was normally right. Josh just stared at him. He had given the subject a lot of thought recently and he knew Toby’s conclusions were pretty similar to his own. Toby shifted in his seat and the change of view allowed Josh to see the bar. He scanned the length of it for Sam and finally found him at the end. Sam was facing away from the bar talking to someone. Josh could only see the back of the person but he could tell from Sam’s face that the conversation wasn’t a friendly one.

“Who’s that?” Josh asked Toby who turned and shook his head. They sat and watched as Sam continued to try to speak but was clearly being cut off by the other man. People around them were beginning to turn and stare as well, as even above the music and chatter it was clear the conversation was turning aggressive. A short, plump man came over and gently tugged at the elbow of the man who was now leaning close towards Sam and shouting. Josh stood and Toby followed. They began to walk slowly towards the bar not wishing to make more of a scene by running over and both were acutely aware of the members of the press who had now also turned to watch.

As Josh got nearer he heard the man shout, “You bastard, you sat on my boat-”

“Ben,” Sam tried again to calm him down.

“You sat on my boat and you talked about which schools we should chose, which districts were most deserving and all the time you knew!”

Josh came to the realization that the stranger was Ben Draper at the same time as Ben’s fist came into contact with Sam’s stomach. 

When Ben struck, Sam could feel the bar rail pressed against his back. For a split second it felt as if Ben’s fist and the brass rail met within him, so hard was the force of the blow. He immediately slumped downwards, winded and struggling to regain his breath. Toby caught hold of him before he hit the floor and supported him while Sam desperately tried to refill his lungs. Josh meanwhile stepped towards Ben until their faces were inches away, “He didn’t know...he wasn’t playing you...he didn’t know...he-”

“Josh!” Toby’s voice rose above the noise and he gave Josh a look which was half pleading and half warning. Josh took a deep breath and went and stood next to Sam.

The man standing next to Ben took a firmer hold of his arm and tried to drag him away but Ben shrugged him off.

“There you go,” he shouted towards the members of the press corps who were all sitting watching the scene with fascination, “Bartlet’s senior staff don’t even tell each other what they’re up to.”

Toby and Josh looked at the table of reporters. Slowly and purposefully Danny turned around until he was facing away from them. A few other reporters followed the example. Toby closed his eyes and sighed in relief. It would be a story tomorrow but he could be pretty certain that Ben Draper’s comments wouldn’t be a part of it.

Ben’s friend pulled him roughly away and out of the bar. As soon as he had left, Sam sank to the floor. Josh crouched beside him as Toby wandered off to have a quiet word with Danny. By the time Toby returned Sam had managed to get his breath back and Josh helped him to slowly stand up. Sam immediately wrapped his arm around his waist and waited in silence while Toby went to get their coats.

Sam winced as he moved to put his arm through the sleeve but dismissed Toby’s concerns, “I’ve just been punched in the gut Toby, of course I’m not alright.”

They walked towards the car in silence. Sam sat in the back seat and again wrapped his arm protectively around his waist. When they were nearing Sam’s apartment Josh glanced in the mirror as he had been doing throughout the drive, “Sam, have you got the Booker file at your place?”

Sam nodded in response and leant his head back against the seat. 

“Can I come up and get it? It’s still early and if I take it home I can get some work done and give it back in the morning,” Josh turned around in his seat for Sam’s reply.

“Pull over,” Sam muttered.

“What, we’re nearly there, I can’t just stop in the-”

Josh took one look at Sam’s face and interrupted Toby, “Shit, pull over, Toby.”

Toby found a place to stop just in time. As soon as the car stopped moving Sam flung the door open and managed to get out before he finally gave in to his churning stomach. As soon as he was finished Sam got back into the car, apologized and they carried on the short distance to his apartment.

Josh and Toby followed Sam up to his apartment. Sam insisted that he felt a lot better since he had thrown up and he wasn’t lying. Since Ben had punched him the pain in his stomach had intensified but when he was sick it had immediately disappeared. Sam went into the kitchen and started to make some coffee. Josh sat on the sofa and looked around the room. He noticed that Sam had moved the furniture around since he had last been there, “Didn’t that sofa used to be under the window?” he asked as Sam placed the drinks on the table.

“Yeah, months ago but then I got the wiring fixed so that I could have the computer there. I don’t like extension leads,” Sam explained, “I have a tendency to trip over them.”

Josh nodded and continued to look around the room- there was something else. Suddenly it struck him, “You’ve got rid of the kitchen door!” he exclaimed, pleased that he had worked out what was so different.

“God, Josh, that was months ago...I had that done during the last State of the Union because I knew I wouldn’t be home that much. That was over a year ago.”

Another awkward silence descended as both men realized there was a time when Sam’s apartment was as familiar to Josh as his own. 

Sam took a sip of the coffee but found his stomach strongly rejected the idea. He put the cup down and listened to Josh tell Toby about when he had tried to knock through a dividing wall only to discover it was, ‘one of those other types’ of wall. Sam knew the story well, he closed his eyes and smiled as Toby explained to Josh the importance of knowing his limitations. When he opened them again Toby was standing and Josh was putting the cups in the sink, “You fell asleep,” Toby explained, “We’re heading off. You should go to bed,” Toby said as he looked down at his deputy.

“What?” Sam asked.

“Nothing...you sure you’re okay? You look a little pale.”

Sam nodded. He couldn’t wait for them to leave. He was starting to get really cold and that pain had returned as well. He heard Josh say goodbye and then Toby said something about not needing to come in before nine and then he heard the door close. He stayed on the sofa for a little while and started to drift off to sleep again. He managed to rouse himself and remembering Toby had told him to go to bed he stood up on shaky legs and walked towards his bedroom. He didn’t switch off the lights, he didn’t lock the door, he just walked over to his bed and lay down.

Toby had been driving for fifteen minutes when Josh suddenly smacked his hand against his forehead, “Damn, I forgot that file.”

“Oh for crying out loud, Josh!” Toby moaned but to Josh’s surprise immediately turned the car around and headed back to Sam’s.

“It can keep. I’ll get it in the morning. It wasn’t that important.”

“I told Sam to come in late. It’s no problem,” Toby muttered.

“Well it is a problem Toby because you’re doing something nice for me and something thoughtful for Sam and that’s freaking me out a little,” Toby just shrugged and drove a little faster. He was relieved that he had an excuse to go back to Sam’s. As they had been driving Toby had been thinking about how Sam had looked before they left and he had the feeling that something was not quite right in the way Sam had acted. 

The space they had parked in before was still empty and so Toby pulled up and told Josh he wouldn’t be long. When he reached Sam’s door he knocked gently. There was no response so he knocked again more loudly. There was still no answer and so Toby tried calling Sam’s name which went unanswered. Now that he was actually there Toby’s paranoid thoughts about Sam had lessened and he chastised himself for getting into a state in the first place. He smiled and shook his head and was just about to turn and leave when he noticed the light coming through the gap below the door. Thinking Sam must still be up and not answering Toby knocked more loudly. He noticed the door move slightly and tried the handle, the door opened and with his sense of panic increasing Toby walked quickly through it and towards Sam bedroom. Although the kitchen and living room lights were on, Sam’s bedroom was in darkness. Toby stood in the doorway and from the light from the living room made out Sam lying curled up on his bed.

“Sam,” Toby whispered, suddenly very worried that Sam was just asleep and he was about to scare the life out of him. There was no reply and so Toby said his name more clearly. This time Sam responded.

“Toby?” Sam mumbled sounding half asleep.

Toby let out an embarrassed laugh, “It’s alright Sam, it’s Toby. Go back to sleep,” Toby waited and heard nothing and so turned to walk out of the room.

“Toby?” Sam’s voice came again. Toby didn’t answer in the hope that Sam would fall back to sleep. But Sam repeated his name and this time it was louder, more urgent and something about Sam’s tone made Toby rush to the bed, all thoughts of scaring Sam by waking him suddenly disappearing.

Toby crouched down beside the bed and even in the dim light could see that Sam’s face was white and that he was shaking. He placed his hand on Sam’s forehead and took a sharp intake of breath as it met with Sam’s cool, clammy skin.

“Toby...don’t feel so good,” Sam murmured.

“It’s okay...you’re alright...it’s okay,” Toby soothed as he knocked a book and a glass off the bedside table while trying to locate the lamp switch. When he found it and was able to see Sam more clearly Toby didn’t hesitate in picking up the phone and dialing 911. Sam’s arms were wrapped tightly around his waist, his face was drained of all color and he was shaking uncontrollably.

While making the call Toby stood and walked over to the window. On the street below Josh was leaning against the car. The curtain being opened caught his eye and it wasn’t necessary for Toby to gesture for him to come up, he could see something was wrong from Toby’s expression and he started quickly towards the apartments.

Toby finished the call and returned to Sam’s side. Sam was lying fully clothed above the covers and so Toby leaned across him and pulled the comforter over Sam. He sat stroking Sam’s hair as he listened to the sounds made by Josh running up the steps and bursting into the apartment.

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked breathlessly.

“I don’t know, he’s sick...I thought he-”

“What do you mean ‘sick’- he was fine when we left?”

“I don’t know Josh!” Toby shouted.

Josh came and crouched down beside Toby. Sam was still lying how Toby had found him; on his side with his arms wrapped around his stomach but now covered with the comforter. Josh placed his hand on Sam’s arm but Sam just continued to stare at Toby 

“Sam...did you hurt yourself? Are you bleeding?” Josh asked.

“What?” Sam asked, his stare still fixed on Toby.

“Where does it hurt, Sam?” Toby repeated in a calmer voice than Josh’s.

“It hurts,” Sam answered.

Josh stood and pulled the comforter off Sam and seeing his arms wrapped protectively around his waist he tried to gently prize them loose.

“Don’t...it’s alright,” Sam pleaded. Josh ignored Sam’s anxiety and finally succeeded in pulling his arms away. As he did so Sam rolled onto his back, his breathing becoming even more rapid than it had been. Josh cursed as he saw the swelling on the left side of Sam’s stomach and set about loosening his belt while trying to ignore the obvious pain it was causing Sam. As soon as he was done, Sam immediately placed his arms around his waist again, his knees drawn up and rolled away from his friends. They exchanged worried glances as Toby sat on the side of the bed and Josh walked around to the other side.

“Thirsty,” Sam mumbled. Josh looked at Toby unsure if they should let Sam drink or not. Toby got up and went into the kitchen. Josh placed his hand on Sam’s head and smiled and for the first time Sam focused on him and then closed his eyes. Toby returned from the kitchen carrying a glass.

“I don’t think he should drink anything, Toby,” Josh said as he moved out of the way for him.

“I’m just letting him have a sip,” Toby placed his hand under Sam’s head and lifted the glass to his lips. He let him take a little and then put the glass on the floor, “There you go,” Toby spoke soothingly as he gently let Sam’s head fall back on the pillow. Sam closed his eyes and mumbled his thanks. Toby shook Sam and told him to open his eyes, he had no medical basis for doing so but suddenly felt afraid that if Sam closed his eyes now he might not open them again. 

Josh stood and looked out of the window willing the ambulance to arrive. He heard a gagging sound and Toby curse and turned in time to see Toby rolling Sam onto his side as he vomited over the bed.

“God Toby, there’s blood in it,” Josh whispered and his reply was the shrill sound of a siren, “It’s about time, I’m going down to them,” Josh hurried out of the room and Toby neither answered or looked at Josh. His attention was solely on Sam who seemed to be weakening with every breath. His eyes still stared up at Toby though and he could do nothing to lessen the fear that he saw in them.


	4. It Goes Without Saying 4

**It Goes Without Saying**

**by:** coupdepam

**Character(s):** Sam, Josh, Toby  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Category(s):** Angst/drama/ESF  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the setting or the characters but the plot is mine (evil ESF laugh) all mine!  
**Summary:** Things are left unsaid- and they fester.  
**Spoiler:** Up to season four  


* * *

“Hi Sam, I’m Mack and this is Jen. Can you tell us where you hurt? What happened Sam?” the paramedic continued to talk to Sam as he began to insert an IV.

“His stomach’s swollen,” Josh told the paramedics as they worked on Sam.

Their arrival and Toby and Josh’s disappearance from his view had only added to Sam’s anxiety. Josh stood by the door watching as they worked on stabilizing him before lifting him onto the gurney. Sam didn’t answer any of their questions and so Toby told them all that he knew.

“His stomach’s swollen,” Josh repeated helplessly.

“How long ago was he punched?” Jen asked Toby and he didn’t miss the urgency of the question.

“Two hours...about that.”

“Okay, when was he sick?”

“Just before you got here.”

 She nodded and looked at her partner, “We need to go Mack.” 

Sam became increasingly alarmed as he was lifted onto the gurney. Mack tried to calm him but knew that with Sam’s injury and the shock that had already taken hold he was well beyond listening to logical reasoning about what was happening to him. He explained to Sam clearly what was happening and where they were going while he quickly secured him onto the gurney.

Toby searched for Sam’s keys and then threw his cell phone at Josh, “Phone CJ and Leo,” he then walked into the bathroom and started running cold water into the bath. He returned to find Josh sitting on the bed talking to CJ. Toby motioned for him to stand and then yanked the comforter off the bed. He bundled it up and took it to the bathroom where he threw it into the bath and turned off the taps. Josh had only just hung up on Leo when he felt Toby grab his arm and lead him out of the apartment.

* * *

Toby sat with his arms folded staring out of the window at the nurses bustling by. Opposite him Josh sat slumped in is chair, his elbows on the arms and his clasped hands resting on his stomach. The door opened and briefly the sounds from the corridor outside matched the scenes that had been absorbing Toby’s attention. Josh and Toby stood up as a doctor shut the door behind him and walked into the room. He briefly shook both men’s hands before sitting down in front of them.

“Mr Seaborn has been taken up to the OR. He was in quite a deep stage of shock when he arrived and so we performed an exploratory laparoscopy here. We discovered severe internal bleeding and splenic trauma,” The doctor paused waiting for them to assimilate the information. “I’m not sure but I would think they are going to remove his spleen.”

“I don’t understand...I mean was this some sort of illness like appendicitis or something?” Josh looked totally confused by what the doctor had said.

“Josh, this is damage from the punch,” Toby turned back to the doctor, “That’s what you’re saying isn’t it, that this happened because he was hit in the stomach?”

The doctor answered Toby but looked at Josh as he spoke, “The spleen can be ruptured or torn and repaired but it also has three main blood vessels and if any damage occurs to them the bleeding can be profuse. Obviously internal bleeding is extremely serious. They may be able to repair or remove part of the spleen but they tend to remove it all in cases like this.”

Josh nodded, “Yeah, okay, he was so sick though, it was so quick.”

“Like I said the bleeding was severe and so was the shock,” the doctor turned back to Toby gauging him as the most likely to be able to think clearly about the events of the night, “When we examined your friend we found a large bruise on his back in exactly the same area as the bruise on his stomach. Have you any idea where it came from?”

Toby thought back to the scene in the bar. He had seen Ben punch Sam and was certain that he only punched him once. He tried to think what was behind Sam and suddenly remembered Sam slumping against him and how he had held onto the rail along the bar to help him take Sam’s weight.

“He was standing by the bar with the brass rail behind him.”

“That would do it,” the doctor agreed, “A good punch could do serious damage but if he was pressed against that then that makes even more sense. You should go home. It will be a couple of hours and he won’t come round for a few more after that,” the doctor knew that there was no way either man was going anywhere, “the seats are more comfortable in the main waiting area,” he added as he stood and left the room.

Toby sat back in his seat and ran his hand over tired eyes. Josh moved back to the seat opposite him but didn’t sit down. “He was like Quincy,” Josh stated.

“What you think that doctor looked like Jack Klugman?” Toby looked at Josh, pretended that he hadn’t noticed he was shaking and decided to humor him.

“No, the way he was trying to find out what had caused the bruise, he was all...Quincyish.”

“Quincy is a coroner,” Toby pointed out as Josh sat down and folded his arms tightly across himself.

“Yeah, that’s not a good...who’s that other one who’s a doctor but ends up solving murders?

“He was in Mary Poppins,” Toby noticed Josh had relaxed his arms a little.

“Quincy wasn’t in Mary Poppins!”

“No, Dick Van-Dyke was the doctor in...whatever it was.”

“Yeah,” Josh’s shoulders relaxed and he ran his hand through his hair, “Yeah, that’s right.”

Toby stood up, “Okay,” he walked towards the door, “You okay now?” 

Josh nodded and blew out a deep breath, “Yeah, TV trivia obviously has some sort of sedative effect on me.”

“I’m going to phone CJ.”

* * *

When CJ entered the waiting room she was greeted by the sight of Toby and Josh asleep. Both men were in positions that indicated they had tried in vain to stay awake. Toby held onto a coffee cup balanced precariously on his leg and Josh slept with both hands on the arm rests of his chair as if poised ready for action. CJ knew it wouldn’t take much to wake them, “Toby, Josh,” they both jumped. The coffee cup finally made its escape from Toby’s hand and Josh sprung immediately into an upright position.

“What, what’s wrong?” Josh mumbled.

“It’s alright, he’s fine. He woke up an hour ago,” CJ went and sat beside Toby and helped him wipe the remnants of the coffee off the seat. “Leo’s with him.”

“Leo’s here?” Josh asked. It had been three hours since the doctor had come again to tell them that the operation had gone well and Josh had wanted to be there when Sam woke up, “Was Leo there when he woke up?”

“No I was,” CJ explained, “It could have been the night porter for all Sam knew, he was completely out of it.” CJ watched as Josh stood and stretched trying to ease his muscles which were now rebelling against the uncomfortable sleeping position.

“I’m heading in with Leo but before I go I need to know exactly what happened last night.”

“First you need to talk to Danny,” Toby began. Josh listened as Toby began to recount what had gone on and work out with CJ what she could say when the inevitable questions started. A task made even more complicated by the fact that some of the people who would be asking the questions had witnessed what had happened themselves. Josh leaned against the wall, he knew he should try standing straight against it but he couldn’t summon the energy to do it. He closed his eyes and listened to the muffled sounds from the corridor outside and thought about the hours he had lay here listening to the same sounds himself not so long ago; laughter, hushed conversations, squeaky trolley wheels, beeps, footsteps, shouting- Josh opened his eyes- he couldn’t remember hearing much shouting when he was in hospital. He turned to face the door and tried to see what was happening to cause the commotion outside. A man stood at the nurses’ station, he was gesturing down the corridor and the nurse was shaking her head in response. 

“What’s going on?” Toby asked.

Josh turned back towards him, “Nothing just some man flipping out at the nu-” Josh suddenly turned and walked quickly out of the room. He had thought that he recognized the voice and it had suddenly dawned on him who the man was, Ben Draper.

CJ started to ask what was wrong but Toby waved her to be quiet, “Hold on, listen,”

“I can just hear that man shouting...oh and that’s Josh.”

“And that’s Leo,” Toby said.

“And that’s not good,” CJ stated.

“No,” Toby replied as he stood up and walked out of the room with CJ close behind. As he neared the nurses’ station Leo looked at him and rolled his eyes. Toby stood and listened to the end of Josh’s rant.

“...you didn’t give him a chance to explain. He didn’t know, I told you last night. He won’t want to see you, you’re the last person he’ll-”

“Oh please! Don’t give me that concerned friend crap, we both know it’s a sham, Sam told me you two barely speak anymore.”

Josh stood frozen for a moment, he opened his mouth as if to speak but then turned, pushed past Toby and walked back to the waiting room.

Ben stood with his hands on his hips and took a few deep breaths, “The nurses won’t let me see him and they won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Leo gestured to CJ and Toby to follow Josh, “You can’t see him because it’s family only and until his parents arrive, that’s us. They removed his spleen because when you punched him you ruptured the blood vessels which caused internal bleeding. Is there anything else?” Leo could have been at his desk in the White House, he mustered the same authority standing in the now hushed hospital corridor.

“You have no idea how sorry-”

“I’m not starting a witch hunt here. I know you didn’t want to put Sam in the hospital but right now you’re not my concern, my staff are, and I think they’d rather you weren’t here.”

“Yeah,” Ben wiped a hand over his face, “God this is a mess.”

“Yeah,” Leo answered, “Things always tend to get messy when you go around punching your friends.”

Ben nodded and started to walk away. Leo watched him go, sighed and then called after him, “You had an accomplice.”

“I’m sorry?”

“When you hit him, they think the bar rail did as much damage as your fist.”

Ben closed his eyes and let out another deep breath, “Thank you.”

Leo watched him walk towards the elevators and then turned to the nurse, “If you think that was a floorshow you wait until the President comes to visit,” she rolled her eyes and Leo smiled tiredly before heading back to the waiting room.

* * *

“I hope you told him to get the hell out,” a still angry Josh said as soon as Leo entered the room.

“Yeah, listen, CJ we need to head back. You two, staff will be at ten. Sam was asleep when I left. You might want to come back later to see him. I spent ten minutes talking to him only to discover at the end of it that he thought I was his dad.”

“Oh God, I haven’t phoned them,” Josh said.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s taken care of,” Leo held the door open for CJ, “Ten o’clock,” he reiterated before closing the door behind him.

As soon as he had left Josh started, “The nerve of that man coming here and demanding to see Sam. He’ll be lucky if Sam doesn’t press charges, I know I would.”

“No Josh, we’ll be lucky if Sam doesn’t press charges. We’ll be lucky if one of the press corps doesn’t decide that there’s a story in Ben’s claim that the senior staff don’t communicate with each other, we’ll be lucky if this blows over without anyone linking Sam’s injury to the fact that we set up and encouraged a caucus for the sole intention of helping us to maximize the exposure of a policy initiative!” Toby slumped back in his seat, “We’re lucky that we went back to Sam’s when we did because when the doctor said, ‘If you’d been an hour later’ and then didn’t finish the sentence...well, I don’t think we need to fill in the blanks.” Toby watched as not for the first time that night Josh’s face paled. “Now are you going to be alright while I find out if we can see Sam or do I need to stay here and talk about TV cops or something?”

Before Josh could reply a nurse entered the room.

“Mr Seaborn’s awake and he’s asking for you,” she announced looking at Josh.

“Can Toby come in with me?” Josh asked.

“I’m sorry I thought you were Toby, in that case he’s asking for you,” she said looking at Toby, “And it’s only one at a time please for now.”

Toby started to follow the nurse out of the room but was stopped by Josh, “You know, I think I’ll head back now and come and see Sam later.”

The nurse was already heading down the corridor away from Toby so he told Josh he would see him at work and walked quickly after her.

Toby opened the door to Sam’s room and stood and watched the nurse approach his bed, “Are you awake Sam?”

When Sam mumbled in response Toby felt his stomach flip. He had been told a number of hours ago that Sam was fine but a part of him still needed to see it before he could fully let go of the tension that had gripped him since he had first seen Sam curled up on his bed.

“Your friend’s here,” the nurse gestured for Toby to come over, “Do you need anything for pain?”

“I don’t think so,” Sam mumbled and Toby had to strain to hear him, “I think...yes...actually, please.”

The nurse smiled and went off to fetch some pain meds for Sam. Toby walked closer to the bed and pulled a chair up to sit on, “Sam, it’s Toby.”

Sam turned towards the voice and seemed to be trying hard to focus before smiling weakly, “Toby,” Sam sounded like he was confirming Toby’s presence to himself. He closed his eyes but opened them when he felt Toby’s hand cover his own. “Was my dad here?”

“No, that was Leo,” Toby explained.

“I thought it was my dad,” Sam muttered.

“Yeah, try to sleep Sam.”

“Still hurts,” Sam complained.

“The nurse has gone to get you something,” Toby said and on cue she returned carrying a small tray. “I’m going now Sam but I’ll come back later.” Sam nodded and Toby stood then stayed for a few moments by the bed before adding, “So I sort of need to take my hand with me.”

Sam released the hold he hand on Toby’s hand and smiled sheepishly. Toby watched the nurse begin to administer Sam’s pain medication and then slipped from the room.

* * *

Toby arrived in Leo’s office at exactly ten o’clock balancing a styrofoam cup and a pile of papers. 

“How is he?” CJ asked as soon as Toby appeared.

“Groggy but doing well, they think he’ll be able to go home in four or five days.” Toby placed his cup and papers down, “You should go and see him lunchtime, they said he’d be more lucid then.”

Josh answered by changing the subject, “CJ told the press and then answered a few questions, the first was from Danny,” Josh said pointedly.

“What did he ask?” Toby knew whatever Danny had asked would set the tone of the press coverage.

“He asked what the fight was about,” Josh answered with a smile and Toby joined him. The comments Ben had made in the bar were going to be ignored. “What did you tell him?” Toby asked CJ.

“That it was a disagreement between two old friends fuelled by alcohol and testosterone.”

Toby nodded approvingly at CJ and she noticed for the first time how drawn he looked. She could only imagine how horrendous it had been last night and she made a mental note to see Toby later and find out if there was anything she could do. 

It was a thought she was to come to regret as she found herself, four hours later, pulling the sodden comforter out of Sam’s bath.

“Why didn’t Josh see Sam this morning?” she shouted to Toby as she dumped the heavy material into the laundry basket.

“It was a disagreement between two friends fuelled by stubbornness and stupidity,” Toby shouted back. He was standing in Sam’s bedroom placing the book from his bedside table into a bag that lay on the bed.

CJ walked into the room, “I thought that they were resolving that, you said when we left that night that they had started to talk again.”

Toby didn’t answer but sat down on the bed which dipped as CJ sat beside him, “Then again, I suppose Sam being in a state of severe hypovelemic shock made it difficult for them to discuss the nuances of their relationship.”

When Toby didn’t reply CJ leant towards him and nudged him with her shoulder. Toby’s gaze remained on the floor below and he continued to fiddle with the bookmark that had fallen from Sam’s book but he smiled.


	5. It Goes Without Saying 5

**It Goes Without Saying**

**by:** coupdepam

**Character(s):** Sam, Josh, Toby  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Category(s):** Angst/drama/ESF  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the setting or the characters but the plot is mine (evil ESF laugh) all mine!  
**Summary:** Things are left unsaid- and they fester.  
**Spoiler:** Up to season four  


* * *

Josh stopped at the nurses’ station but was in no rush to attract the attention of the nurse who was scribbling distractedly on a jotter. His eyes glanced up at the list of names on the wall. Halfway down the board was Samuel Seaborn. He tried to decipher the information that followed but the scrawled writing’s illegibility was compounded by the use of medical terminology and abbreviations. He had been back to see Sam last night but he had been asleep and Josh didn’t want to watch Sam sleep, he wanted to talk to him. After realizing that the nurse would carry on ignoring him longer than he wished to be ignored, Josh cleared his throat and asked if he could see Sam. The nurse finished the sentence she was writing and placed the pen back in her pocket before rising from behind the desk and walking off to Sam’s room. The hospital had been very accommodating to the White House staff and allowed them to visit Sam out of hours but insisted on checking with him first. The nurse returned and said it was okay but that he could only stay for a while. Josh thanked her and walked slowly towards the room.

Sam was sitting up turning the page of one of the books that Toby had dropped off yesterday. He closed it as soon as he saw Josh enter but kept his finger in it to keep his place.

“How you doing?” Josh asked amazed at the awkwardness he suddenly felt before he had even reached Sam’s bed.

“Good,” Sam ran his finger between the pages, the bookmark lay by his side but he didn’t reach for it.

“I got you some stuff,” Josh stood at the foot of the bed and started to remove some magazines and fruit from a bag. Donna had bought it but he had told her what to get.

“Great, thanks,” Sam glanced at the sailing magazines. He thought about reaching for them but he didn’t want to lose his place and his bookmark was underneath them, so he didn’t move.

Josh looked around the room for a chair. Sam could see it behind him but he didn’t say anything. That made him feel guilty so with his free hand he started to leaf through one of the magazines. “Thanks for these,” he repeated.

“Sure,” Josh placed the chair by the side of the bed, “Is there anything you need? Anything I can do?”

Sam shook his head as he moved the magazines onto the bedside cabinet. Josh looked down at Sam’s hand. He remembered how Sam had come to visit him when he was the one in hospital. How he would walk straight into the room, sit by Josh’s bed and take his hand. Josh had woken one morning to a sound he couldn’t identify and then opened his eyes to find Sam sitting by his bed, his pen furiously scribbling on a pad but his other hand still firmly holding onto Josh’s. 

Sam sighed loudly and Josh looked up to see him grimace, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sam answered but he kept his eyes closed until whatever it was that was troubling him had passed. 

“The nurses said you’ll be home in a couple of days.”

“Yeah,” Sam replied running his thumb along the spine of the book.

“Leo’s going to try to drop by tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Sam replied and the fear that Sam would reply in one word answers to everything he said made Josh suddenly ask, “Why is this so hard?”

For the first time Sam turned to face Josh, “I don’t know.” He took his finger out of the book and placed it on top of the magazines. 

“We’re both to blame,” Josh stated and Sam nodded in agreement, “You ignored me as much as I ignored you. You stopped coming to talk to me about nothing in particular as much as I stopped dropping by your office.”

“Absolutely,” Sam agreed, “But you’re more to blame than me,” he added and was taken aback when Josh quickly agreed. 

“Josh, I was joking.”

“You tried to sort it out, I never bothered-”

“Josh, get the nurse,” Sam was grimacing again and Josh jumped out of his seat and ran out to grab the first one he saw.

As Josh and a nurse entered the room he was surprised at the words that Sam greeted them with. “You said they wouldn’t wear off yet!”

“I lied,” the nurse countered, “We’re trying to save money on drugs and seeing if the power of positive thinking works instead,” she said as she started to raise the head of Sam’s bed.

“Well it doesn’t,” Sam replied as she helped him to sit.

“Anyway, you should have been asleep long before they wore off,” 

Josh stood at the end of the bed a look of utter confusion on his face. The nurse rearranged Sam’s pillows and then noticed Josh’s expression. “Sam had a bad reaction to the pain killers so we gave him some anti-emetic but they appear to have worn off.” She turned to Sam again, “I really did think the last dose would see you okay but those pain meds have obviously done a quite a number on you.” She grabbed a bowl from the side and placed it on the bed. “I’ll be right back, are you staying?” she asked Josh.

”Yeah, I think I can handle this,” Josh picked up the bowl and walked back to his seat then turned the bowl upside down and pretended to read, “Hold in upright position, replace when full, piece of cake.”

“Yeah honey that’s what this job is, a piece of cake,” Josh could still hear her laughter even after she had left the room. 

“How you feeling?” Josh asked and Sam’s answer was to grab the bowl and retch over it, before letting it fall back onto his lap. “See, people say I can be dense when it comes to having empathy with my fellow man but I would say, and this is just a hunch mind, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that you don’t feel so good.”

“We won’t mention the-” Sam was planning to answer back but another fit of retching stopped him.

Josh stopped talking after that and Sam stopped pretending that he could cope with the latest ordeal his body was putting him through. He groped for the bowl again but Josh already held it for him. Josh noticed that Sam had wrapped his arm around his waist like he had when Josh and Toby had found him. He could only imagine the pain that Sam was feeling as he watched him wince as he tried to take a breath to counter his rebelling stomach. By the time the nurse returned Sam had finished and lay back on the pillows with his eyes closed.  The nurse attached a new bag to the IV pole and then gestured for Josh to pass her the bowl. Josh reached over and picked it up awkwardly with his right hand, it nearly rolled off the bed but he somehow managed to stop it, right it and pass it behind him. He couldn’t use his left hand; Sam was holding that.

Josh woke to feel Sam’s hand leaving his. He heard the rustle of the bedclothes and looked up to see Sam tentatively pushing himself into a sitting position.

“Mr Seaborn, we won’t stay long, we just need to ask you a few questions.” Josh opened his eyes and sprung to life. He turned to see two police officers at the side of Sam’s bed. 

“Can’t this wait?” Josh asked the officers but Sam spoke before they could answer.

“Who called you?”

“The hospital informed us. They sometimes do in cases of assault. We also had a call from the bar last night from a concerned citizen.”

“I bet you don’t come across many of those,” Sam said.

“Not so much,” the elder of the officers agreed. He walked closer to the bed. “Mr Seaborn, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that your injuries were severe and we understand that if your friends hadn’t found-”

“You want to know if I want to press charges,” Sam stated, forcing the officer to give up his explanation and simply nod his head at Sam in response.

Sam looked at Josh, back at the officer and then down at his hands. He closed his eyes and Josh silently praised himself for managing not to say anything before Sam answered. The friend in Josh wanted Ben Draper to pay for what he had done but the realist, the strategist, the politician, knew that if Sam pressed charges it would be the worst thing possible for everyone involved.

“I don’t,” Sam stated simply. The officer looked at Sam as if trying to gauge if it was worth perusing and seeing the resolved look on Sam’s face, decided it wasn’t. He left a contact number for Sam and left the room. His partner had not spoken since they entered the room but when he got to the door he stopped, turned and said to Sam, “The guy who hit you, he’s waiting outside. Do you want us to get rid of him?”

“Ben’s outside?” Sam asked in surprise and Josh noticed how the knowledge seemed to unnerve him, “I don’t want to see him. I ‘really’ don’t want to see him. Can you say I’m asleep or something?” he asked.

“Tell him he’s tired,” Josh added, “He’s been puking his guts up because he’s allergic to the pain meds he had to take because of the injuries he got when his so called fuc-”

“Just tell him I’m tired,” Sam said before Josh could tell the whole floor how he felt about Ben Draper.

Sam and Josh sat in silence. They could hear the policeman talking to Ben but they couldn’t make out what was being said. When it was clear that Ben had gone Sam reached behind him and picked up the menu card from the bedside cabinet.

“Ooh beef stroganoff,” Sam exclaimed.

“Sam,” Josh wanted to talk about Sam’s decision.

“And Jell-o,” Sam continued.

“Sam,” Josh tried again.

Sam put the menu down, “I just want this to be over, Josh.” Josh nodded he wanted it to be over too. Sam lowered himself down the bed.

“You better get that bowl,” he sighed.

“What? You feel sick again?” 

“No, but I really hate beef stroganoff,” Sam pulled a face and for the first time in a few days Josh laughed and despite Sam’s pretence at looking hurt his laughter continued until Sam finally gave in and joined him.

* * *

Sam held the piece of paper in mid-air. He had three piles on the floor in front of him and when he had begun to sort through his bureau he had known what each pile meant, but now he had got in such a muddle that it was only the pins and needles in his leg that stopped him walking across the room to throw it all in the bin. Sighing he tossed the paper behind him and began to sort through the first of the piles again. He had been home for three days and was already climbing the walls. 

The sound of the door buzzer made Sam cry out, “Halleluiah,” and leap up from the floor, before he remembered in time that he wasn’t quite up to leaping yet. He walked to the door with his hand on his stomach but let it drop before he opened it. He pulled the door and felt the rush of air that entered the room and escaped through the window followed by a loud rustle of paper and groaned. 

“What’s wrong?” a suddenly concerned Josh asked.

“Tell me that there are still three neat piles of paper on the floor.”

Josh leant around Sam and peered into the room, “Define ‘pile’,” he answered as Sam groaned again and stood aside to let him in. Josh started to pick up the paper and pass it to Sam who put it back into the bureau.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Sam glanced at Josh, “Well, still a bit sore and ridiculously tired considering I’m not doing anything but yeah, good.” Josh nodded but didn’t seem convinced. 

“Really Josh, I’m fine.” 

“You will be by the time Donna’s finished with you.”

“What?” Sam laughed.

“Well, you know how food comes in microwave safe boxes or you can get it delivered to your door,” Josh asked and continued on Sam’s nod, “Well apparently, some people actually make it themselves.”

“I’ve heard tell of this strange custom,” Sam agreed.

“Well unbeknown to us it turns out Donna is one of those people,” Josh said incredulously, “And she has made you enough food to last a 38 day siege and not a microwaveable box in sight.”

The door buzzer sounded before Sam could reply, “That’ll be Nigella Lawson now. Act surprised, I said I wouldn’t tell you,” Josh said as he walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. Sam walked to the door preparing to look surprised but he didn’t need to pretend, it wasn’t Donna who stood in the doorway. 

Josh had got as far as removing the filter when he heard a voice that definitely wasn’t Donna’s. He dropped the used filter into the trash as he realized who the voice belonged to and walked quickly into the living room. As soon as he looked at Sam he knew he was uncomfortable but with satisfaction he noticed that Ben Draper looked even more so on seeing Josh. 

Josh’s anger towards Ben had decreased as the days had passed and he had come to accept that no matter what Ben had done he certainly hadn’t intended to injure Sam like he had. He had also come to admire the fact that Ben seemed unwilling to let Sam give up on him, hardly a visit passed in which a nurse didn’t come to Sam’s room to tell him that Ben Draper wanted to know if he could visit. Every time Sam shook his head and then returned to whatever he and Josh had been talking about without missing a beat.

After a silence, in which nobody seemed to know what to say, Josh looked announced he was making coffee and returned to the kitchen. He was glad he had replaced the filter, it would give Sam and Ben some time to talk. It never entered his head to leave; he had things he wanted to say to Sam too. 

Sam gestured towards the sofa and Ben sat down, “I came to the hospital the night...I came here first and the guy across the hall told me you were in the hospital. They wouldn’t let me see you...I wanted to...I didn’t even know what was...” Ben stood up and walked over to Sam, “I am so sorry Sam, shit that sounds lame, but I am. I was just so angry and I was drunk and I-”

“You think I’m angry because you hit me?” Sam walked away from Ben and took his vacated place on the sofa. “I’m not. Unless you were aiming for my spleen in the hope it would rupture?”

“Sam, I-”

“But I am angry Ben. I’m angry that you thought so little of me.”

“What do you mean? You know that’s not true,” Ben walked towards Sam and sat down next to him.

“I couldn’t care less that you thought I knew that we weren’t going to act on the caucus’s findings. What I can’t get over is that you thought I would...” Sam took a deep breath and started again, “I don’t remember much about that night in the bar, but I remember you shouting at me, accusing me of...you thought I spent a weekend with you telling you how important your work was and planning how we could build on the recommendations in other initiatives, all the time knowing that we had no intention of doing anything. What did I do in all the time I’ve known you to make you think I would do something like that?”

“I realize that now but I was just so mad that-”

“I didn’t know, they didn’t tell me anything, and if you knew me then you’d have realized that straight away.”

“You’ve got to understand that I didn’t know-” once more Sam cut Ben dead.

“I don’t care what you knew! You know me and that should have been enough!” Sam was standing now and as Josh entered the room carrying a tray he turned on him, “And you...you didn’t even trust me enough to tell me in the first place! Both of you, you both just...you think I would...” Sam suddenly seemed to have run out of steam, “Get out!”

“Sam wait let’s sort this-” Josh began but Sam’s face told him that getting out was probably the best option at the moment. He also knew that getting worked up was not doing Sam any good. Ben had obviously had the same thought as both men reached for their coats and headed for the door without another word. They stood outside the apartment putting on their coats united in their surprise at Sam’s outburst.

“He’s tired,” Josh explained and Ben nodded, “And still a bit sore from the op,” Ben nodded again, “And possibly a little emotionally unbalanced at the moment.”

A hollow laugh came from Ben and both men walked towards the exit together. “How long are you going to give it?” Ben asked.

“I don’t know, he was pretty mad, I was thinking a month should probably do it.”

Ben shook his head, “God I wish I could have the last few weeks back again.”

“You’re lucky, I need the last year back,” Josh opened the door and let Ben walk through it.

“Seriously though, do you think we should come back later?” Ben asked.

“A friend from work is going to visit Sam tonight so I’ll see how she finds him.”

“Well I think I’ll leave it a couple of days,” Ben pulled his car keys from his pocket and jiggled them nervously from hand to hand, “I wanted to say to you...I’m sorry about what I said in the hospital. I was just lashing out at the nearest...it wasn’t fair for me to say what Sam had told me in front of your friends. I just wanted you to know that I don’t know the details or anything, it was just a comment Sam made but it certainly wasn’t something he seemed happy to admit,” Ben shrugged, “Anyway I just wanted to make sure you understood.”

“Well, thanks,” Josh said and the two men shook hands. Their differences resolved by now both being the victims of Sam’s wrath.


	6. It Goes Without Saying 6

**It Goes Without Saying**

**by:** coupdepam

**Character(s):** Sam, Josh, Toby  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Category(s):** Angst/drama/ESF  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the setting or the characters but the plot is mine (evil ESF laugh) all mine!  
**Summary:** Things are left unsaid- and they fester.  
**Spoiler:** Up to season four  


* * *

Donna waited as patiently as she could but as she heard Sam approaching the door she called out, “Hurry Sam!”

He opened the door just in time to save a bag that had been slowly sliding out of Donna’s grasp.

“Wow is this for me?” Sam said in his best surprised tone.

“Josh told you, didn’t he? Oh Sam I wanted to surprise you.”

“Well I didn’t think I’d be rescuing...” Sam read the label on the container, “’Chili-mild’ when I opened the door so it was a bit of a surprise.”

Donna kissed Sam on the cheek as she walked by him and went straight to the kitchen where she started to put the collection of frozen food away. She asked Sam to choose one to have later and when he couldn’t decide she chose for him and placed it on the side. 

Later, when the food was warming, they sat on the sofa and Donna told him what had been going on since he had been away. She suddenly shifted and felt beneath her, pulling out a small slip of paper.

“Why have you got a Greyhound bus ticket dated 23rd August 1999 under the cushions?”

“It’s a memento,” Sam explained.

“Of a bus trip?”

“Well more of who I was on the trip with,” Sam took it from her and stood, “I was tidying my bureau,” he opened one of the drawers and pieces of paper immediately made their escape from where they had been shoved by him earlier.

“This looks like a job for Bureau Girl,” Donna walked over to Sam and started to take out the piles of paper from the drawers.

“I had a system going, but then I changed systems in my head but forgot to change the piles and so I...I got a little muddled,” Sam admitted.  

Two hours later Sam was in possession of possibly the most organized bureau in Washington. Donna and he had eaten and were drinking coffee, sitting side by side on the sofa.

“Donna, one day you are going to make a man who enjoys ‘Chili-mild’ and keeps a disorderly bureau very happy,” Sam said.

“I am,” she agreed.

They sat in companionable silence until Sam started to fall asleep. He was jolted awake by the shrill tone of Donna’s cell phone.

“Hi...that’s because I’m not there...or there...no...yes...yes...maybe...no-”

“Donna,” Sam waited until she had covered the mouthpiece, “Tell Josh he can come over tomorrow.”

Donna smiled at being caught out and gave Josh Sam’s message. She put her phone away and picked up her bag and coat, “I’m going to go because you need to go to bed,” Sam walked her to the door where she kissed him goodbye. “Don’t be too hard on Josh. He won’t admit but he feels bad about what happened and about the past few months.”

“We’re both to blame, I could have tried to sort things out too, it was just easier to go on as we were than to try and fix it,” Sam shrugged, “We’ll talk, clear the air and then before you know it things will be back to normal.” 

Donna groaned in response, “Oh God, please don’t say that, where you and Josh are concerned things are never normal.”  Sam laughed and surprised Donna by pulling her into a goodbye hug. Just as he shut the door the phone rang again. Sam picked it up and slumped onto the sofa, his mother had phoned every night since he had got home from the hospital.

“Sam, it’s Ben,” Sam didn’t reply, “Sam are you there?” Ben waited before Sam finally answered.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry...I just didn’t expect to hear from you.”

“No I don’t suppose you did and I know you were virtually kicking me out of your apartment this afternoon but I-”

“Yeah listen, I don’t know where that came from.”

“Don’t apologize, please don’t even think of apologizing for that.”

 I can’t even remember some of what I said,” Sam admitted. 

“Well I don’t think I’m going to forget it in a hurry. You said what you needed to say, and it was true,” another pause followed, “Sam you still there?”

“Yeah,” Sam wiped a hand over his eyes.

“I’d do anything...anything to take back what happened, not just the punch although that was bad enough, but how I let my anger at what happened skew my knowledge of what I knew about you. You would never do-”

“Never do what?” Sam snapped.

“I just thought we should talk-”

Sam interrupted Ben, “I told you I never wanted to see you again!”

“Sam, I really think if we just sat down-” Ben tried again.

“Don’t phone me, don’t try to contact me, and if you call here you’ll find agents posted outside my door,” Sam warned.

There was a long pause in which Sam stretched out on the sofa and smiled until eventually Ben replied, “You’re messing with me Sam aren’t you?”

“Indeed I am.”

“And you’re going to be doing it for the foreseeable future,” Ben said.

“I should think so,” Sam agreed in a serious tone that belied the smile on his face.

“Okay, as long as you don’t shout at me again,” Ben replied and then added, “I am sorry Sam, I don’t know what else to say,” there was a pause before Sam answered.

“You don’t need to say...I know you’re sorry, I know you regret it, I don’t want to keep...I just want to move on now.”

 “So do I Sam, so do I,” Ben coughed nervously before asking, “I’ve got these tickets for the Skins next Monday and I was thinking it’s been a while since we’ve caught any games so...I mean I don’t know if you’re up to it but...what do you say?”

“I’ll see you Monday,” Sam replied. After ending the call Sam lay on the sofa for a while before going to bed. He thought about Ben’s phone call and then he thought about Josh and knew his conversation with him was going to be a lot more difficult.

* * *

The clutter of sounds coming from the Bullpen was nothing unusual. Telephones rang, filing drawers slid open and shut, keyboards were tapped and a continuous hum of conversation accompanied it all. To Sam it was the most beautiful sound he had heard for days. His reverie was interrupted by Ginger’s shrill cry of his name and he found himself immediately surrounded by her and the other assistants. He caught a glimpse of Toby standing in his office doorway and in his own way he looked just as pleased to see Sam. He shouted at the women to stop smothering Sam and then gestured for him to come into his office. 

“What are you doing here?” Toby asked, “You should be recuperating.”

“I’m as recuperated as I’m going to get. Josh is coming over tonight so I thought I’d walk here, get some exercise, and then he can drive me back” Sam explained and as he flopped on the sofa Josh appeared in the doorway.

“You ready?”

Sam nodded. Toby watched the two men as Sam rose to follow Josh out of the office. Things seemed to have improved between them but Toby knew both men had things to say before they would really be able to put the past few months behind them. 

* * *

The commentator was annoying Josh. It wasn’t what he was saying so much as the sound of his voice.

“Mute it then if he’s annoying you that much,” Sam said grabbing the remote and throwing it at Josh.

“Then I won’t get the ambiance of the stadium.”

“Would it help if I ate a hotdog and then threw the wrapper at you?” Sam asked.

“No,” Josh laughed.

* * *

“Well, we’ve eaten, watched a game and sunk some beers. Are we going to actually talk?” Sam asked.

“I think I could sink a few more beers first,” Josh decided.

* * *

Sam flipped the remote in his hand, stopping every now and then to flick through the channels. 

Josh leant forwards and reached for his bottle, “I wanted to tell you sooner you know. I told the others that I thought you should know.”

“Tell me about what?  MS, the censure, the drop in, mad cow, the caucus?”

“Don’t Sam, this is hard enough, don’t make it any harder,” Josh sighed.

“Okay...go on.”

* * *

Sam looked at the splashes of beer that fell onto the table as Josh spun round in front of him, “God, why do you always do this? Why do you insist on holding everyone to impossible standards? If everyone in Washington behaved according to the code of Samuel Seaborn, nothing would ever get done!”

* * *

The credits of an unwatched film rolled up the screen of the muted television, “You didn’t speak to me for two weeks, and you didn’t look me in the eye for much longer,” Sam had been standing but he sat down abruptly when he had finished shouting; he had forgotten that shouting, laughing and sneezing still caused him pain.

“I was livid. I couldn’t believe you’d done it. We were clearing up after that tape for weeks. I didn’t set out to avoid you but I knew if I’d have confronted it, it wouldn’t have been as a colleague but as a pissed off friend and that wouldn’t have helped anyone. There were other things going on then too, I think I may have misdirected a bit of anger at you back then,” Josh looked at Sam and thought he looked tired and pale. He sat down wearily next to him on the sofa.

* * *

“What did you think I was going to do?”

“I don’t know Sam.”

“You really think that I would compromise policy initiative just to let a friend know...what? What did you think Ben would gain from me telling him? What did you think I would gain? I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me...I know there are things I can’t know, that you can’t tell me but you act like you’re afraid to tell me. I’m not stupid, I know when something’s going on,” Josh stood and walked towards him but Sam turned away from him and Joshed watched as he tried to calm down. When he spoke again his voice was quieter and Josh had to move closer to hear him. “When Lillingfield was after Leo you came to me and asked me to speak to Laurie and when Leo was in trouble again you came to me and asked me to help but this time you didn’t tell me why, and when I asked you didn’t even tell me you couldn’t, you just dismissed it... you dismissed me... I just wanted to help you Josh.”

Sam was unconsciously holding his waist, “Sit down Sam,” Josh suggested.

“Yeah,” Sam agreed.

* * *

Josh placed Sam’s cup on a mat and placed the TV Guide under his. A drop of coffee ran down the handle and soaked into the paper. 

“So where were we?” Josh asked.

“You were saying that you didn’t tell me about Ben because you couldn’t face another ‘Kevin Kahn’ debacle and then you decided you needed coffee.”

Josh nodded, “I needed to make some coffee. I needed to think. Your filter machine is incredibly slow by the way but it is good for giving you time to think.”

“And?”

“And what?” Josh asked as he reached for his cup.

“What did you think about?” Sam replied impatiently.

Josh turned to Sam, his expression was serious, “I think you need a new filter machine.”

“Josh!” 

“And I think I didn’t tell you about Ben because I didn’t want to listen to your objections. I didn’t like what we were doing any more than you did Sam and I didn’t want to have to listen to you telling me that.”

* * *

Sam nodded in response to something that Josh had said but he wasn’t quite sure what it was. Josh looked funny, blurry and every so often he disappeared altogether. 

“Sam,” Josh spoke quietly but it was enough to make Sam’s head jerk upwards.

“I’m sorry...I was just resting my eyes,” Sam had hardly been able to keep his eyes open for the past ten minutes.

Josh laughed, “Sam, you’re dead on your feet. Go to bed.”

Sam smiled and leant back against the cushions, “I’m glad we’ve...I was going to say cleared the air but it doesn’t quite-” Sam stopped talking when he felt Josh’s hand on his arm and turned to face him.

They had been talking for the past two hours. They had both raised their voices, they had both sat in the uncomfortable silences in between and they had both reached an understanding of where they were and how they had got there. They had been so candid with each other that there had been no need for declarations of guilt or apologies. They had worked through what had been happening over the past few months and in doing so had come to a clear understanding of the breakdown in their relationship and their own parts in it.

“I’m glad too,” Josh said and they looked at each other and knew that they had both said all that needed to be said. 


	7. It Goes Without Saying Epilogue

**It Goes Without Saying**

**by:** coupdepam

**Character(s):** Sam, Josh, Toby  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Category(s):** Angst/drama/ESF  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the setting or the characters but the plot is mine (evil ESF laugh) all mine!  
**Summary:** Things are left unsaid- and they fester.  
**Spoiler:** Up to season four  


* * *

Toby sat with his head in his hands. He looked up at Leo but he was too busy looking at the floor to notice Toby. CJ rubbed at her forehead, she could feel a headache developing. Josh was pacing up and down in front of the sofa on which Sam sat. Sam’s arms were tightly folded across his chest and he was shaking his head as Josh spoke.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Josh exclaimed, “You keep saying caucus, caucus, caucus like some demented bird but you clearly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Sam stood up and blocked the path that Josh was taking and so both men stood facing each other, “And you, as usual, are trying to make me see things from your point of view without providing me with any reason why I should.”

Josh took a deep breath and turned so he was facing Sam, “Caucusing is not a word. I don’t care what dictionary you checked in. Have you ever heard anyone say, ‘I’m sorry I was late, the caucusing took longer than expected’.”

“Ah ha!” Sam cried and Toby moaned and covered his face, “And you don’t say we are going to politicize an issue when we discuss it but it’s still a word!”

“But if I did, at least people wouldn’t look at me like I was some sort of dictionary-freak boy like they would if I said caucusing,” Josh countered.

“Well I am a dictionary-freak boy,” Sam exclaimed proudly and then realizing that may not be a good thing added, “And I’m taking that insult and claiming it as term of endearment.”

Josh and Sam stood face to face and Josh placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder, “Sam, you really need to get out more.”

Toby glanced at Leo again and this time Leo caught the look and smiled back. He walked round his desk and sat down, “There was a point a little while ago when Toby asked me if we were done and I said yeah and then Sam said a sentence with the word caucusing in it, and here we still are and two people in the room are talking and they are the only two people who have the faintest interest in what they are saying.”

Josh ignored Leo and moved closer to Sam and placing his arm around his shoulder, “It’s okay Sam, get it off your chest,” Josh soothed, “I know you’re dying to tell me the origins of the word caucus.”

“Well I’m not,” Sam replied petulantly as Josh began to lead him from Leo’s office, “Okay then, if I know will you bow down to my dictionary freakdom and concede the fact that caucusing is a word?”

Josh stopped in the doorway and considered this, “If you know the origins of caucus, verified by three sources of course-”

“Of course,” Sam agreed.

“Then I will not only concede the existence of the word caucusing but I will use it in everyday conversation.”

“Excellent, well the word caucus comes from the Caucus Club of Boston which had its heyday in the 1760s, and although the true origin of their name is unclear it is very likely to be from the Medieval Latin, Caucus, meaning a drinking vessel, which is apt because I would imagine...” Sam’s voice trailed off as he and Josh disappeared down the corridor. 

CJ and Toby began to follow them out of Leo’s office. Before he left the room Toby turned and looked at Leo, “I don’t know which emotion is stronger, the relief that they’re back to normal or the frightening concept that we consider that to be normal.”

Leo shook his head and grinned. 

As Toby walked past Margaret she stopped him, “You’re grinning, Toby, is everything okay?” 

“It’s better than okay, it’s normal,” he answered as he hurried on to catch up with the others. Margaret stared after him, peered into the office to see Leo grinning also, shook her head and went back to her typing.

The End


End file.
